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-- consumed by you -- by ~hojucult:iconhojucult:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Rhymes




~


Consumed By You


Not even a day since
eager tongues teased -
A sensual torment
‘til lustful love seized

Not an hour gone by
Where my mind did not bathe
In imagined embrace,
Your touch ever-craved

Not a moment is spent
without your melody
flooding my daydreams
enrapturing me


~


last edit: 31-8-03
©2003-2009 ~hojucult
Details
Submitted: August 29, 2003
File Size: 570 bytes
Image Size: 27.6 KB
Resolution: 490×252
Comments: 43
Favourites & Collections: 8 [who?]

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Author's Comments

**edited 31-8-03**

(thanks fey, you're the bestestest)

This is another one of those 'thought up in the shower' poems. its unpolished, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

The other 'shower' poem was submitted in the 'collections deviation' [link]

The screenshot is from [link]
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Comments


~corruptedangel:iconcorruptedangel: Aug 29, 2003, 3:07:56 AM
ethereal touch ----- I'm beginning to understand that this is obviously your favourite word... lol. Nothing wrong with that.... i like it.

You must be running up quite a big phone bill with all these texts to him. You should make him pay you for all of it. :P
~kharas:iconkharas: Aug 29, 2003, 3:15:53 AM
Oh brilliant as usual, perfect as well :) Not bad for unedited, unlike me pieces (not to mention the short supply) with 50 drafts...

Not an hour gone by
Where my mind did not bathe
In imagined embrace,
Your ethereal touch craved

I really like this. I'm constantly dreaming about Jadie during the day when shes not around, wishing I could just hug her. This stanza is perfect :) As the rest...

:+fav:
~hojucult:iconhojucult: Aug 29, 2003, 3:29:28 AM
thanks so much for the :+fav: :D
nice that you can relate :D its nice to have someone to miss..
~hojucult:iconhojucult: Aug 29, 2003, 3:30:10 AM
HA! he sends me just as many, so i guess we're even :D
~childproof:iconchildproof: Aug 29, 2003, 3:46:56 AM
it's so lovely :)
a ruddy effing marvelous one, definately.
i don't really have anyone to miss because everyone i love is all around me...but maybe i'm on a different wavelength...which is most likely :p
~hojucult:iconhojucult: Aug 29, 2003, 5:36:03 AM
i don't really have anyone to miss because everyone i love is all around me

well that's a good thing too :D

Although, in this poem, I'm talking about missing him each moment.. a day seems like eternity..
~entropolity:iconentropolity: Aug 29, 2003, 6:03:29 AM
I like it. I would change "melody" and "ethereal" to different words, however- they ruin the flow for me.

Still, worth a fave, and that's what it's got.
~optumystic:iconoptumystic: Aug 29, 2003, 8:03:10 AM
I miss my girlfriend too. I could see her through a window, ten feet away, as I left, and I was already missing her. Hours to days. Days to weeks. It hasn't been a full month since I last touched her, but it seems a lifetime ago.

+fav

I think some of my best thoughts in the shower, but I have nothing to write them down with, and I can never remember anything verbatim. :( I need a stenographer to sit outside the shower and take dictation.

Damn, that last paragraph seemed full on innuendo, but it wasn't. :|
~feyerabend:iconfeyerabend: Aug 29, 2003, 8:39:55 AM
Very good. The rhythm of the following two lines can be fixed in the following way (although it means good ol' "ethereal" would have to go):

Your ethereal touch craved
Not a moment spent

Your touch EVER-craved
Not a moment IS spent
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